For as long as I can remember, Thanksgiving was spent with my aunt and uncle and my cousins. As our family circle grew, sharing holidays shifted. But, each holiday season, I vividly recall how wonderful her home smelled with the foods in the oven! And so as the holiday approaches, I called my aunt to catch up. She had just shared a video of a fashion show that she was in and she rocked it! No, she’s not a fashionista or a designer. But she is a doer. For years she taught high school English; she ran daily, hiked often, baked for holidays, wrote poetry, and advocated for peaceful change. A few years ago, she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. Her fierceness and drive determined the way she took on the fight against this disease. She started boxing to improve her hand/eye coordination and balance, and she started a pickleball league with her husband and friends. She continues to write her poetry and she is working on publishing it. Her recent participation in the fashion show was a benefit to raise awareness and fight against Parkinsons. She was seen walking the catwalk wearing “adaptive clothing and jewelry”. What struck me as we talked is her amazing ability to “adapt”. Despite all odds, she has made lemons into lemonade! Her ability to “adapt” was not about giving in, but about “doing something”. She was able to create space for action. My aunt has 20 wise years on me and we spoke about how beautiful it is to have the ability to change during these golden years. It’s an incredible opportunity to welcome in these years and to thrive. She said she has finally been able to say “no”. To take life and enjoy it without feeling guilty. A good friend told me a few years ago that “No” is a complete sentence. I have these exact words painted on a stone she gave me. Whether she intended it or not, the stone has become symbolic to my life’s mantra. Saying “no'' is difficult because saying it brings feelings of guilt. “If I am not busy, I am not doing enough”. Well, this is nonsense! Who needs to be “weighed down” and carry around a heaviness that doesn’t feel good. Is it “intuitive” to say no to someone. Depends on the situation.
But, when you let go you may experience a “Superpower” that you didn’t know you had! Learning to say “no” is like learning how to meditate- it’s a habit that you have to cultivate and practice. When I was learning to say “no” I also learned to say “sounds great, let me get back to you”. This allowed me to “pause” and really think about what I wanted without leading me to feel guilty. And saying “no” isn’t just about saying it to others but also about saying “no” to yourself. Saying “no” to yourself means creating personal boundaries that will ultimately contribute to your own well-being over the long-term. Learning to filter out what is really important is learning what matters most. It is about making space for yourself and learning and acknowledging that you matter!
As I hung up the phone with my aunt I was grateful for the life lessons that she has unknowingly taught me! And now she knows (cause she always reads my Monday posts!).
And as I share this with you, I am wishing you a peaceful Thankgiving!